Chezzo Eyewitness News 13 – Kuyahoora Valley

Not Certain What Kind Of Joke Killed Four

“Four Idaho men died as a result of a joke late Monday,

Chinese Man Rescued From Mudslides, Complains Mud Got “Everywhere”

Liu Ma Shendeng was rescued from the Chinese mudslide by the People’s Liberation Army yesterday, outside media reports. He wanted to get home to his family, but was first checked on by medical workers. In his 60 hour ordeal, he says the mud, “got everywhere. And I mean everywhere.”
“I’m going to be scraping mud [...]

Pizza Delivery Guy, Expecting Sex, Saves Man’s Life

Kami Lynn was talking with her husband when he clutched his neck and fell over. She rushed to the phone and called 911.
When she heard the doorbell ring, she did not expect to see the pizza delivery guy.
We spoke with Kami in her simple two story home, “He said that he was a [...]

Man Floats Bounce House Down River

A man was arrested for floating a bounce house down a river, despite it being the most awesome thing anyone has ever done. Henry Tehan, 27 got the idea coming home from his job as a lawyer last Friday. “I was walking along, and it just hit me. I’ve gotta float a Bounce House down [...]

Tea Party Buys Billboard With Hitler, Obama, and Lenin – Loses Internet Argument

The Iowa Tea Party bought a billboard with a picture of Hitler, Obama, and Lenin last week – thus losing every internet argument they were a part of. The National Tea Party was swift to react and to cover it up, but the damage had been done. Tea Partiers everywhere gave up their internet arguments. [...]

Rand Paul, Republican Candidate for Senate From Kentucky, Never Graduated From Kindergarten

Sister O’Shansky, Rand Paul’s kindergarten teacher at Our Lady of Flowers, has come forward with shocking news that Rand Paul never graduated from Kindergarten.

She said, “Well, I failed him because he didn’t do the work. He was very lazy, he wouldn’t color or play with the other girls and boys. When I asked him to, he turned into a terror. He would kick my shins, the same spot over and over. I still have a mark there.”

“He was a bad influence on the other kids, too. He would bring cigarettes to school and sell them to the older boys during recess. The recess monitor asked him to stop, well, she has been a missing person ever since.”

Canada, Land with 60% of Worlds Lake Population, Builds $2 Mil. Lake in Lab Out of Lake Parts

Canada, the country known for its huge expanses of outdoors, built a lake out of criminal lake parts in an underground base somewhere near Toronto.

Stephen Harper, the Canadian prime minister said, “You think we’re spending 2 million dollars on canoes, trees, deck chairs and a fake dock? No one has bought a canoe in Canada since The Dutch-Canadian War.”

EXCLUSIVE: Debrahlee Lorenzana Nude Picture from the Citibank Employee

Debrahlee Lorenzana, the Citybank employee who got fired for being too attractive, posed nude for an ex-boyfriend who asked to be referred to as T-bone. T-bone was able to provide us with exclusive nude photo of Ms. Lorenzana. Debrahlee, or “The Tittybank Employee” as she’s become to be known on the internet, has not seen [...]

Jarrod Wyatt Disqualified From Mortal Kombat Tournament Amid Controversy Over Excessive Celebration During a Fatality

A cage fighter rips out still beating heart, face, tongue, eyeball of his trainer, UK media reports.
We asked some of the characters from Mortal Kombat video game franchise what they thought of the vicious attack. Kano, 35 of the Earthrealm said, “That is a little much. I mean, I rip out my enemies still [...]

Glenn Beck, “When I Said, ‘Leave People’s Families Alone,’ I Meant White People.”

Hours after an interview with Sarah Palin, when Beck admonished whoever would make fun of her retard baby by saying, “You leave people’s families alone.”  Beck went on to explain, “Now, the minute they get into politics, that’s a different story. You leave the families alone.” Glenn Beck made fun of Malia Obama by putting on a girly voice and saying, amongst other things,“Daddy, why do you hate black people?” as well as a plethora of additional atrocities.