ADVERTISMENT – Tylenol, Now With Bacteria
Posted on May 9, 2010 by admin
When life gives you lemons, make soil bacteria ridden lemonade.
Bacteria is a necessary ingredient for life. It helps you digest foods, it helps keep away fungus, and it makes vitamins essential to health. Without bacteria, you’d be wandering around bald and toothless, with mushrooms growing all over your body, while constantly growing larger.
The FDA wants you to live in that world. They made us voluntarily recall some of our children’s products that contained a small amount of harmless bacteria.
A milliliter of your child’s saliva can contain as many as 40 million living bacteria. The FDA doesn’t try and recall that. But not just because it’d be a horrifying civil rights violation. Bacteria occupy a niche that could otherwise be filled by dangerous pathogens. By recalling our products the FDA is endangering your children.
Bacteria have been used in food preparation for as long as the oldest cheese. Never in its history did Germany try to recall bratwurst and sauerkraut, and both of those industries use many more bacteria than is present in our product. The FDA, in this respect, is worse than Hitler.
Probiotics is a billion dollar industry. That’s why, to pay for this extensive recall, we’re introducing Children’s Tylenol with Bacteria – Cherry Septic Flavor. We hope to preventively cure your child’s headache and fever, by getting there with our bacteria first. That way your child is always wrapped in the warm embrace of medicine.
This drug is not appropriate for a child takes NSAIDS, colors outside the lines, eats grilled cheese sandwiches, takes recreational drugs, chewable vitamins, MAOIs, uses crayons, plays outside, or is exposed to sunlight or water.
If your child has an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, they are just showing off.
Discontinue use of this drug if your child experiences chills, tinitus, flatulence, joy, sensations, or is amused by booger jokes.
Common side effects may include, but are not limited to, becoming magnetic, appearing to be shrinking, periods of attentiveness, setting fires using only their mind, nausea, drowning, and advanced end stage multiple sclerosis.