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Winner of the (Mrs.) Peabody award in 1996, 2003, and 2008
Posted on May 28, 2010 by admin
Despite Mr D.’s vast wealth, Gary Coleman of Diff’rent Strokes is in critical condition at a hospital in Utah, CNN reports. We were able to talk with Mr D. and Willis in the waiting room. their bodies sagging with the weight of being up all night and worrying, “I have gotten poor Arnold the best [...]
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Posted on May 24, 2010 by admin
A Jetblue pilot, depressed that his girlfriend broke up with him, sent her a threatening e-mail. He threatened to crash his airplane into her house. Here at Chezzo News we have been able to procure that email.
Also found by Chezzo News were chat sessions where the two had cybersex. The JetBlue pilot’s most frequently used line was, “Okay, open up. Here comes the airplane. Vroom. Here it comes.”
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Posted on May 18, 2010 by admin
“Picture the world’s largest milkshake machine, that’s broken so it’s spewing out millions of gallons of milkshake. And the milkshake is poison. And Haliburton flavored. And a mile underwater.” BP CEO Doug Suttles says. “About a fifth of the spill is being contained by the straw,” he went on, “And one out of five ain’t [...]
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Posted on May 17, 2010 by admin
After a segment about the G-Shot, and during the painful time when New Orleans newscasters were off the teleprompter and trying to actually talk to one another, Michael Hill said, “So she’s enjoying penis a little bit more then, is she?” Catherine Shreves, who gave the report, on the G-Shot – an injection of collagen [...]
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Posted on May 16, 2010 by admin
“We chose the Gulf of Mexico, instead of say, the Chesapeake bay, because the Gulf of Mexico already has the infrastructure set up. The oil companies can just bring hoses down to the shore.” Vice-President Biden said, “Holy fucking shit that was a some thinking, huh?” “We tried last month to decrease our dependence on [...]
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Posted on May 14, 2010 by admin
Giants need to start disposing of their trash properly, or we will have no more marine wildlife statues. A porpoise statue was strangled by giant plastic six-pack ring in Vancouver last week, The Province reports. “Nearly every plastic item ever created still exists, and has harmful effects on the environment, wildlife, humans, and ultimately even [...]
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Posted on May 12, 2010 by admin
Win McMurry, a reporter for America’s Golf Channel, mistakenly said Tiger Woods dropped out of the last round of the Players Championship because of his “bulging dick”. Win corrected herself immediately, explaining she had meant to say “enormous cock”.
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Posted on May 9, 2010 by admin
Snow is falling on Mother’s Day in the Kuyahoora Valley. This unseasonable snowfall is accompanied by the first Horseman of the Apocalypse, Plague, who rode forth with a bow on a white horse from the ground at the Poland High School football field.
Our lispy affiliate in Utica reported on the snow yesterday:
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