Chezzo Eyewitness News 13 – Kuyahoora Valley

EXCLUSIVE: Debrahlee Lorenzana Nude Picture from the Citibank Employee

Debrahlee Lorenzana, the Citybank employee who got fired for being too attractive, posed nude for an ex-boyfriend who asked to be referred to as T-bone. T-bone was able to provide us with exclusive nude photo of Ms. Lorenzana. Debrahlee, or “The Tittybank Employee” as she’s become to be known on the internet, has not seen [...]

Jarrod Wyatt Disqualified From Mortal Kombat Tournament Amid Controversy Over Excessive Celebration During a Fatality

A cage fighter rips out still beating heart, face, tongue, eyeball of his trainer, UK media reports. We asked some of the characters from Mortal Kombat video game franchise what they thought of the vicious attack. Kano, 35 of the Earthrealm said, “That is a little much. I mean, I rip out my enemies still [...]

Glenn Beck, “When I Said, ‘Leave People’s Families Alone,’ I Meant White People.”

Hours after an interview with Sarah Palin, when Beck admonished whoever would make fun of her retard baby by saying, “You leave people’s families alone.”  Beck went on to explain, “Now, the minute they get into politics, that’s a different story. You leave the families alone.” Glenn Beck made fun of Malia Obama by putting on a girly voice and saying, amongst other things,“Daddy, why do you hate black people?” as well as a plethora of additional atrocities.

Despite All of Mr. D’s Money, Diff’rent Strokes Star Gary Coleman in Critical.. Okay Now Dead

Despite Mr D.’s vast wealth, Gary Coleman of Diff’rent Strokes is in critical condition at a hospital in Utah, CNN reports. We were able to talk with Mr D. and Willis in the waiting room. their bodies sagging with the weight of being up all night and worrying, “I have gotten poor Arnold the best [...]

EXCLUSIVE: Pictures of Poop Dick’s famous new tattoo that reads, “Poop Dick”.

Late last week, the mainstream media was abuzz with the story of Poop Dick, a boy who was bullied, threatened, and misled into getting the tattoo that he was nicknamed after.

He was told he’d get a Celtic knot with his girlfriend’s name on it, after the Poop Dick tattoo had been completed. He was told the bullies would stop picking on him if he got the tattoo. He was told that the bullies would tell no one…

Jetblue Pilot Sends Girlfriend E-mail Threatening to Crash Plane Into Her House

A Jetblue pilot, depressed that his girlfriend broke up with him, sent her a threatening e-mail. He threatened to crash his airplane into her house. Here at Chezzo News we have been able to procure that email.

Also found by Chezzo News were chat sessions where the two had cybersex. The JetBlue pilot’s most frequently used line was, “Okay, open up. Here comes the airplane. Vroom. Here it comes.”

Ass pocket, Ass Deux, Ass 2: Judgement Day, Butt Gash, Lefty Loosey, Lil’ Dumper, Poo Detour, Second Crack, Sphinct2r, Torpedo Tube Number 2

Our intrepid producer/editor/anchorman/newsperson, Sean “Azzo” Osman is unfortunately in the hospital recovering from surgery on his ass. We here at Chezzo Eyewitness News 13 realize that these images are graphic, so please act appropriately. The following link contains a picture of his left hip to ass cheek, but does not contain the juicy middle cheek [...]

Fifth Try At Inserting Straw Into Milkshake Succeeds a Little, BP Says

“Picture the world’s largest milkshake machine, that’s broken so it’s spewing out millions of gallons of milkshake. And the milkshake is poison. And Haliburton flavored. And a mile underwater.” BP CEO Doug Suttles says. “About a fifth of the spill is being contained by the straw,” he went on, “And one out of five ain’t [...]

Anchor Asks Question That Has Been on Everyone’s Collagen Infused G-Spots

After a segment about the G-Shot, and during the painful time when New Orleans newscasters were off the teleprompter and trying to actually talk to one another, Michael Hill said, “So she’s enjoying penis a little bit more then, is she?” Catherine Shreves, who gave the report, on the G-Shot – an injection of collagen [...]

America Attempts to Decrease Dependence on Foreign Oil by Filling of Pool in Backyard

“We chose the Gulf of Mexico, instead of say, the Chesapeake bay, because the Gulf of Mexico already has the infrastructure set up. The oil companies can just bring hoses down to the shore.” Vice-President Biden said, “Holy fucking shit that was a some thinking, huh?” “We tried last month to decrease our dependence on [...]