Rand Paul, Republican Candidate for Senate From Kentucky, Never Graduated From Kindergarten
Posted on June 22, 2010 by admin
Sister O’Shansky, Rand Paul’s kindergarten teacher at Our Lady of Flowers, has come forward with shocking news that Rand Paul never graduated from Kindergarten.
She said, “Well, I failed him because he didn’t do the work. He was very lazy, he wouldn’t color or play with the other girls and boys. When I asked him to, he turned into a terror. He would kick my shins, the same spot over and over. I still have a mark there.”
“He was a bad influence on the other kids, too. He would bring cigarettes to school and sell them to the older boys during recess. The recess monitor who asked him to stop, well, she has been a missing person ever since.”
“I remember one time, little Johnny O’Hara came in crying saying Rand was hurting an animal. Johnny led me to Rand, and sure enough, Rand had a rabbit’s corpse pinned open on the ground outside my classroom. This was entirely unacceptable, so I grabbed his ear and brought him to Father O’Malley’s office. Rand said the rabbit was already dead, but I don’t know if I believed him.”
“I almost gave him a D-, just so I wouldn’t have him next year; his father took him to another county, and enrolled him in the first grade. He never graduated kindergarten.”
Mr. Paul would not comment on this issue.